I have been watching way too many movies- here’s a list of everything I’ve watched during this quarantine so far.
This post contains spoilers about Shrek.
Sometimes I have the urge to do things that surprise me- like listening to country music or double checking that I still haven’t mastered the moonwalk after zero (0) practice. The curious mind never sleeps. But never have I, in all my years of existence, thought about watching Shrek. I’ve always wondered if the folks behind Shrek, Big Mouth, or BoJack Horseman are aware of just how unpalatable their art style is. This screenshot speaks for itself.
But one day, the urge came and I couldn’t shoo it away. So I laid on my bed at 3am as I pulled up Shrek. If I squinted hard enough, I could convince myself I was watching StartREK instead. Despite having never watched it all the way through in one sitting, I had some strong hypotheses about the plot. A green ogre with tiny spoon ears tries to save an ogre princess with a donkey friend.
The movie starts with the iconic All Star by Smash Mouth. Unfortunately, according to this article, “Do Not Tweet at Smash Mouth About the ‘Shrek’ Songs, They Do Not Like It”, I don’t think Smash Mouth likes to be associated with Shrek. But nonetheless, the soundtrack is chef’s kiss quality. This is coming from someone who has dedicated a good amount of their life watching Broadway musicals, movie musicals, and I have also taken one songwriting course in university- which makes me a very qualified critic. I give it 5 stars.
And then to answer the question I posed above- Shrek knows he isn’t very attractive and because of it, he decides to hide himself away in a swamp so that no one would have to look at him. I hated empathizing with Shrek. Regardless, the Scottish accent sounded a lot better on Amy Pond in Doctor Who than it did on him. On top of that, the Donkey gave me Eeyore vibes as my heart melted every time his ears drooped down. I didn’t like that either.
The thing that makes Shrek special is that it takes the typical fairytale and tosses it into the swamp. We bid our farewells to the good ol’ Prince Charming, evil queen, damsel in distress, comic relief companion and we are left with: Shrek, Lord Farquaad, Princess Fiona and a literal ass. We watch as Shrek and the donkey make their way to save Fiona. (I loved the scene where they had to cross the wooden bridge.) But when they finally get to her, Fiona is outright disappointed. She is vocal about her concerns. Fiona was ready for a heroic rescue where she gets swept off her feet, but there really wasn’t anything heroic about Shrek busting through the doors, shaking Fiona by the shoulders and yelling, “WAKE UP! Are you Princess Fiona?” And then of course, the movie ends with a gigantic plot twist where Fiona is also an ogre and they just come to accept that their appearance doesn’t matter because they love each other. I now know what true love is. Thank you, Shrek.
Call me a sucker for romcoms but Shrek is a cinematic masterpiece and I am ashamed that I have gone my whole life without a Shrek shaped heart. If you are ready to chuckle at every single dialogue in a movie where the characters have immense depth, then watch or rewatch Shrek. If you hate social distancing and refuse to bow down to our onion king, then move along. The swamp isn’t big enough for everyone.